fat time and special soap

today as i drove back to Chino after dropping off Skye, I listened to John Coltrane playing ' my favorite things ' nearly the whole way. I have been having this feeling about jazz for a long time, that I'm really missing out by not getting into it. I don't know, I don't think I get it yet, but today it seemed to fit into some interesting uncentralized place in me. It sort of pulled all these average things on the side of the road, signs, people, broken bicycles, cartoon characters, into a hazy pool that mixed together with the smoggy light into something that bridged time and space. That sounds like a big claim, but there are times when you feel that being in the moment is being aware of all the things that are the way they are because of everything that's been leading up to now, and being aware of the possible paths everything might follow from here on. That awareness of now is always going to be murky in a sense - because there are so many things happening in every second of time and space, and letting yourself be aware of all of them, without trying to draw any conclusions, well, how can it be anything but vague? To claim any kind of clarity about that sort of thing will always mean you are limiting the intake. I think there can only be a sense, an impression, a hunch about which way the tide is flowing in terms of whats happening in the world. Its very interesting thinking about the sort of universal consciousness at this particular point. and incredibly hard. So hard to get a view onto it until its over. I remember a friend of mine once saying that it was interesting to experiment with diffusion of attention in regards to sexuality. That is, he suggested trying to let one's attention be dispersed over a group of guys - not concentrate it on any one person, and see what the effect was. I don't remember really trying it, but he said he thought it was very interesting with girls. I like trying to do that with other things. With focus and attention. Still focusing very carefully, but letting ones focus spray out over many things at the same time, like a very fine mist from a garden hose. For example, try to feel your whole body at the same time, all the things that are happening - blood pumping, air going in, eyes blinking, fingers moving, and just even feeling - in the sense of being aware of - all the parts of yourself and where they connect with other objects in the room. Its difficult. Easy to get distracted by one thing or another, but if you can maintain that diffused attention, you get a strange and unusual sense of the whole thing that feels slightly intoxicating. Then try doing it with other things. With scenes, with landscapes, with situations. I think there is a kind of understanding possible which for me anyway, seems very new and heady. Like something important might be able to be grasped through that method of observation.
I guess in a way its sort of feeling how time and space connect. Because one second might be short, but its incredibly fat when you think of everything thats happening laterally at the same second. Like trillions of years happen in one second if you add all the different things that are happening at once together.
I meant to talk about this great hilarious weekend with Skye, but I really should go to sleep now. I guess the photos tell the story a bit. Though they don't tell one of the funniest events of the whole time in Bessho Onsen - last night's trip to the public bath. We got to this tiny neighbourhood onsen at 15 minutes to closing, and then after we paid our 150 yen we realized that there was no soap provided and it was such close quarters that everyone would notice and think we were dirty foreigners ( even though we had had a bath only a few hours before anyway) so in a fit of silliness I suggested we wash ourselves with ' special foreign soap' which was actually Werther's candies which I happened to have in my bag. Really funny. We couldn't stop laughing. It smelled pretty good, and we acted it out quite properly - apart from the hysterics we only half managed to smother to a goofy tittering. We sat in the tiny bath for about 10 minutes trying not to look at each other, and then the cherry on top of the whole scene was the english speaking japanese girl in the change room - who complimented us on our mastery of japanese onsen ettiquette! Ha ha if only she knew our treachery! We managed to keep it together until we got outside where we totally exploded. Then we slowly made our way back to our dilapitated ryokan with its sunset boulevarde proprietess, and laughed even harder and more noisily while taking our series of jump photos in ukatas. It was a good thing we were the only guests...